It's been so long, I have not penned down any thoughts, even posted any picture here, like I have shut myself off...
I was busy, so busy with works and overtimes for extra income. I had made my life as if it all about the money only. I fell sick a few times in November, I got depressed, and demotivated to go to work. I am home sick, miss mom and Sannie at home, Laney, Mandee and baby Nana at Southend, and dad, in heaven.
Getting emotional, yes, for sure, especially in festive season. More than 10 times I haven thinking when should I tender and go back for good again. But, will I get to do things that will make me happy? Or will it be the same again? Will I miss Singapore again this time after I leave? Honestly, I think this time, I am ready to leave this little red dot.
I think, I have missed out too many things ever since I started to work abroad, since 2006. Missed the time to spent with my dad before he went home to heaven, that's about 10 years or time. This year, since I came back, I missed time for grandma, and I didn't even get to visit her in July when I came back from London. I took things for granted, and she left us in September when I am not prepared at all. I missed the moment of Sannie's first born, missed the full moon celebration, gonna missed the 100 days celebrations too on 01 January 2017. And many more things that I have and going to miss... Next year, will be my first time not able to celebrate Chinese New Year eve and first day of Chinese New Year at home, all thanks to this job.
I don't know how some of the people can work like 15 years in a call center, to me, 1 year is more than enough. The pay is not too big if you don't work for overtime. But you gotta sacrifice your off and rest day to work, and that, will in conjunction of sacrificing your health for body and soul. I truly believe that we are made by God to learn to rest in Him, but the busyness and stress I got from my job has totally robbed me of my rest and peace. It even draw me further from God, I don't attend church, because I am scheduled to work on Sunday, and because I am too lazy and tired to wake up early for church then go to work in the afternoon.
All these are so wrong! The reason why I am so eagerly and keen to come back to Singapore is because I miss my church life in ncc. But ever since I started my shift work, everything just changed. I felt so stressed when being asked by fellow ministries servers and leaders, when will I be back to serve. I love to, to be honest, but I just can't.
And so, I brought up my feeling and thoughts to Laney, Sannie and mom, that I am gonna resign, probably next year after Chinese New Year, and go home for good. Thank God, that they are very understanding and supportive for my decision. If everything goes smooth, I should be tendering in February.
And Lord, I pray, that You open the door to the path that You have prepared for me, and closed those that are not meant for me. Amen.